Written by Alex Carrigan
After Danez Smith’s "waiting on you to die so i can be myself”
I want to say something without saying it, but there's no time.
It’s hard to think of the right expression or gesture right now.
Right now, I need to say something that will either
keep you seated in this café or keep you as a memory.
A memory of the last time I tried to calm you down with a
raised eyebrow and a small smirk floats to the top of my latte.
My latte’s foam dissolves away into a guide for how
to tilt my head and for how wide my eyes should be.
It should be easy to convey these to you, as I’m sure there
is power in how I look when you realize my hand is on yours.
Your hand is starting to retreat, and the seconds to
make my choice gather like scone crumbs on the table.
The table rocks a little as you begin to push your chair out.
I want to say something without saying it, but there's no time.
.
Alex Carrigan (he/him) is a Pushcart-nominated editor, poet, and critic from Alexandria, VA. He is the author of Now Let’s Get Brunch: A Collection of RuPaul’s Drag Race Twitter Poetry (Querencia Press, 2023) and May All Our Pain Be Champagne: A Collection of Real Housewives Twitter Poetry (Alien Buddha Press, 2022). He has appeared in The Broadkill Review, Sage Cigarettes, Barrelhouse, Fifth Wheel Press, Cutbow Quarterly, and more. Visit carriganak.wordpress.com or follow him on Twitter @carriganak for more info.