Written by Chris Cottom
Lord, I thank you for calling us to serve you in this cul-de-sac, blighted as it is by straggly privet and ghastly leylandii. You know our hearts, Lord, how I prayed for somewhere equatorial but would have been joyful on an inner-city estate of brutalist concrete, bereft of shrubbery. But you move in mysterious ways, Lord, and we’re ready with our secateurs and shredder, Noah and I, to bring tidiness and topiary to this bit of Leicestershire, because, Lord, you are a god of order, hallelujah! And I pray, Lord, should any kind-hearted neighbouring soul be minded to welcome us with a treacle pecan traybake or nourishing casserole, that you, Lord, will give me the words to thank them even if it’s vegan, because I’m cool with all that, as I believe you are too, Lord, what with forty years spreading manna round the wilderness every morning. I also pray for steadfastness, Lord, that I shall not be tempted to glance out of the bedroom window when the firefighter next door is doing Tai Chi on his patio, barefoot and bare-chested. Because, Lord, you know the plans you have for Noah and me, and I don’t expect they involve our marriage of one year being put asunder by a seemingly single six-footer with pecs like Samson. I pray too, for babies, a whole tribe please Lord, because, hallelujah, you are a god of abundance, but one at a time preferably. Before I start sprogging like a fatted calf, I pray you will bless our work here, our Mission to Melton Mowbray, starting at Tesco Extra on the ring road, with Noah on the loading bay and me with my “Here to Help” badge, bringing succour to the hungry and hope to the lost. And finally I pray, Lord, for early delivery of the mitre saw I’ve ordered, because I’ve checked the long-range Leicestershire forecast and in case you’re planning a repeat of all those years ago, verily I have just the guy for you and I’ll have him cutting cubits of gopherwood as soon as you say two by two. Amen.
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Chris Cottom is a recovering insurance copywriter with recent work in Barrelhouse, Bright Flash Literary Review, matchbook, The Broadkill Review, The Good Life Review, Tiny Molecules, and elsewhere. Catch him pedalling around Cheshire, UK, and at chriscottom.wixsite.com/chriscottom.