Written by Tracie Adams
I meet you at the door, scanning the meager groceries in your arms, a look of approval plastered
across my hollow face. You’re expecting me. You won’t invite me in, so I pass through space and
time, undeterred by solid walls of recovery you’ve erected from all those good intentions. I’m
the Ghost of Anorexia, the voice you hear through the veil of the standup mirror in the corner.
Your secret is safe with me.
I’m the Ghost of Alcoholism, the Ghost of Drug Addiction, the Ghost of Yesterday’s
Shame. You want me. Your glands salivate with desire. I rattle chains, moan in your ear. Come
on. No one will ever know. I live in the empty space behind your vacant stare. I’m the rotting
carcass of every indulgence, every regret.
We move together in synchronized horror. Wherever you go, I am here, breathing down
your neck, licking ghoulish lips. Ours is a symbiotic relationship of the parasitic variety. I have
no desires of my own. I sink wobbly teeth into your lustful heart, feeding off your nightmares,
clattering bones beckoning you as if you didn’t know better. Don’t you miss that brain burn, the
numbness of your gums, the taste of white powder, the gulp of vodka?
You shake your head, go for a walk, but you’ll never stop thinking about that high
voltage rush, your blood pulsing like a live wire in water. Go ahead, rock back and forth, twist
your hair, bite your cuticles till they bleed. I will never stop haunting you, no matter how many
times you whisper in the dark, repeating your mantra over and over, every hour more desperate
to believe it: I’m not afraid of ghosts. I’m not afraid…
.
Tracie Adams is a retired educator and playwright who writes short fiction and memoir from her farm in rural Virginia. She is the author of the essay collection, Our Lives in Pieces. Her workwas nominated for the Pushcart Prize and appears in over sixty literary journals and anthologies including Cleaver, BULL, Frazzled Lit, Trash Cat, Brevity Blog, Raw Lit, and more. Visit tracieadamswrites.com and follow her on X @1funnyfarmAdams.